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People keep up with the Joneses mainly because we constantly measure our own money, possessions and lifestyle against the people around us. Psychologists call this social comparison, which is the habit of judging yourself by how you stack up against others. That habit can push families to spend on things they did not plan for, even when the purchases add little to their lives.
The good news is that the pull is predictable, which means you can plan around it. This guide explains what the research says, which common beliefs about keeping up are wrong, and practical steps to break the habit while keeping your budget on track.
Key Takeaways
- Comparing yourself to others is a normal human habit, and it can shape how much you spend and how satisfied you feel with your money.
- A 2016 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found people were more strongly affected by their neighbors’ income in U.S. counties where income inequality was high.
- A study of 109 nations and more than 90,000 people found that income rank predicted life evaluation better than absolute income in almost all countries examined.
- Subjective social status, meaning how you perceive your own rank in society, helps explain how neighborhood relative income is linked to physical and mental health.
- A spending plan, a personal benchmark and fewer comparison triggers can each reduce keeping-up purchases.
Why Do People Keep Up With the Joneses?
People keep up with the Joneses because social comparison is built into how we judge whether we have enough. It means evaluating your income, home, car or vacations against people you see as similar to you or slightly ahead, rather than against a fixed standard.
Researchers have tested this directly in the workplace. A 2008 field study by Harris, Anseel and Lievens in the Journal of Applied Psychology examined how upward comparisons (with people earning more), lateral comparisons (with peers) and downward comparisons (with people earning less) relate to employees’ satisfaction with their pay level.
The study is useful for budgeting because it treats comparisons as something that can be measured and linked to how people feel about money. Its results are specific to pay satisfaction at work, so applying them to household spending is an inference rather than a direct finding.
What Makes the Joneses So Hard to Ignore?
Comparisons are hard to avoid because you see other households constantly, through neighborhoods, school pickups, workplace conversations and social media feeds. Each exposure can quietly reset what feels normal. The more often you see upgraded cars, bigger homes or fancier trips, the more ordinary those things can start to seem.
Myth 1: Keeping Up Is Just About Showing Off
No. Many keeping-up purchases are not about status signaling. They often happen because your internal sense of normal shifts when people around you change, and the gap you perceive can create real pressure.
A 2016 study by Cheung and Lucas in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology illustrates this. Using data from more than 1.7 million people in 2,425 U.S. counties, the authors found that people were more strongly affected by their neighbors’ income when income inequality was high in their county. In other words, the same neighborhood income mattered more where the gap between households was wider.
The study focused on life satisfaction, not spending, and it is correlational. It shows an association rather than proof that comparison causes specific purchases. Still, it suggests that the pressure to keep up depends partly on your surroundings, not only on your personal values.
Myth 2: Only Lower-Income Households Feel the Pressure
Comparison happens at every income level, and your rank among peers often matters as much as the raw number. Your position relative to others can shape how you feel about your money even when your absolute income is solid.
A study in Nature Communications covering 109 nations and more than 90,000 individuals found that income rank predicted life evaluation, meaning how people judge their overall life, better than absolute income in almost all countries examined. A household can therefore feel behind even with a comfortable paycheck if its peers appear to be pulling ahead.
Rank is relative, so it can change when the people around you change, even if your own income stays the same. That is one reason a fixed personal benchmark can protect you more than a comparison to the neighborhood.
Myth 3: Keeping Up Only Affects Your Wallet
Comparison can also be linked to stress and health, although the evidence is still developing. How you see your place in society is a psychological factor, and it appears to be part of how neighborhood conditions relate to well-being.
Research indexed in PubMed, titled Do We Know Where We Stand? Neighborhood Relative Income, Subjective Social Status, and Health, found that subjective social status helps explain how neighborhood relative income is linked to physical and mental health outcomes. Neighborhood relative income describes how your household income compares with others nearby.
Studies like this show associations, not proof that money comparisons directly cause illness. Still, feeling behind may matter for health, which is a good reason to pay attention to it. If constant money worry is affecting your sleep, mood, relationships or daily functioning, talk with your doctor or a licensed mental health professional. Financial stress is common, and early support is reasonable.
How Do You Break the Keeping-Up Habit?
To stop keeping up, identify your comparison triggers, set a personal benchmark for what enough means, and build a spending plan that funds what you value. Start with one trigger rather than trying to overhaul everything at once.
- Track your trigger purchases. For 30 days, write down each purchase you made after seeing what someone else had, such as a new car, a remodel or a pricier vacation.
- Set a personal benchmark. Write down what enough means for your family, including savings goals, housing needs and free time, and measure spending against that list instead of the neighborhood.
- Build a spending plan. Use a simple framework like the 50/30/20 budget calculator to assign money to needs, wants and savings before the month begins.
- Reduce exposure. Mute or unfollow accounts that prompt spending, and limit time on shopping apps.
- Redefine fun. Replace status-driven plans with low-cost activities your family genuinely enjoys.
The table below shows how to swap common keeping-up reactions for intentional choices.
| Situation | Keeping-up reaction | Intentional alternative |
|---|---|---|
| A neighbor buys a new car | Start shopping for a newer model | Check whether your current car still runs safely and meets your needs. Read this guide to deciding when to keep a car. |
| Coworkers book pricey lunches | Join every outing | Suggest a lower-cost option or pack lunch a few days a week. Browse frugal dining ideas for eating out on a budget. |
| Friends post a big vacation | Book a trip that stretches your budget | Set a trip budget first, then choose a shorter or less expensive plan. |
| A neighbor remodels the kitchen | Start a remodel you cannot afford | Compare the project with your home’s actual needs and your savings goal. |
If you do need a vehicle, buying used often costs less than buying new, and it can be a practical way to meet your needs without chasing the latest model. Our guide to buying a used car instead of new explains where to start.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is keeping up with the Joneses normal?
Yes, comparing yourself to others is a common human tendency. Research on social comparison shows people routinely judge their pay, status and lifestyle against people around them. Being aware of the habit is more useful than trying to eliminate it entirely.
Why do I feel worse when friends spend more?
When peers spend more, your reference point shifts, and your own situation can feel smaller by comparison. Studies of pay and income rank suggest that relative position affects satisfaction, even when absolute income does not change. Setting a personal benchmark can reduce that feeling.
Can keeping up with others affect my health?
Research has linked subjective social status, meaning how you perceive your rank, with physical and mental health outcomes. These findings are associations, so they do not prove that money comparisons cause illness. If financial stress is affecting your sleep, mood or daily life, talk with your doctor or a licensed mental health professional.
How do I talk to my family about not keeping up?
Start with shared goals rather than criticism of anyone’s choices. Explain what your household is saving for, such as a home fund or a family trip, and invite everyone to suggest low-cost ways to spend time together. Agreeing on a family spending plan makes the decisions clearer for everyone.
Is it okay to spend on things that matter to me?
Yes, spending on things you value is a normal part of a healthy budget. The goal is to make those choices deliberately rather than because of pressure from others. A plan that includes a fun category keeps you from feeling deprived and reduces the urge to overspend later.
Conclusion: Stop Keeping Up With the Joneses
Keeping up with the Joneses is driven by a normal habit of social comparison, and research shows that both neighborhood income and your rank among peers can shape how you feel. Breaking the cycle starts with recognizing your triggers, setting a personal benchmark and building a spending plan around what your family values most.
This article is general information, not financial advice. Prices and deals change: check current terms before you buy. Read our financial disclaimer and editorial policy.
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